Do you feel pressure to look a certain way?

OH please, if you are women its kind of a no brainer.

There is pressure everywhere!

Your family, friends, magazines, health advocates, media, and so much more.

When my husband said this thing to me about needing to LOOK healthy- I could feel my blood rise, Here it is, another man telling how I am suppose to look.

Now don’t get me wrong I like, no LOVE, looking in the mirror and seeing a radiant glowing being looking back at me.

Yet the thing I know about that is this: it doesn’t have to do with looks.

Our inner glow can come from so many parts of ourselves.

I remember one time when I was in India I went on a 5 day meditation retreat. Now, this was no regular sitting meditation retreat. It was called WHO IS IN at the OSHO commune. The workshops began 6 am each day with a meditation called Dynamic where we screamed, laughed, jumped and danced to music to move the anger, frustration, joy, stagnation and any other emotions out of our body. The next 4 hours were followed by deep inquiry, then a dancing and shaking mediation and 4 more hours of inquiry. We were fed small meals, in silence the whole time except during inquiry dyads and this went on until midnight. At 12:00am we were all put in one room with our sleeping bags to go to bed. People snored, turned, walked around, I hardly slept. This went on for 5 days.

At the end of the retreat I took my bags and hopped on my scooter to go home. I realized I had lost my keys and had to sit on the stoop until my housemate returned. When he finally did I stumbled to my room, took a shower and just before I was about to collapse in my bed I said to myself, I want to take a picture of myself, this is the most tired I have been in my whole life. I must look terrible. So I took the picture.

Now in those days we didn’t have instant camera gratification so it was a few weeks until I got the film developed. I had forgotten about that moment but when I was leafing through my pictures I came to it.

I wish I had it to show you, I’ll look for it and post in another newsletter.

But I looked incredible, alive, healthy, fresh, vibrant and happy.

As I reflected on the picture I remembered something.

*Although I was exhausted I was connected.

*Although I was weary I was awake and conscious.

*Although I felt like someone just threw me in a washing machine I was cleansed.

*And I sat on the curb looking at this picture I remembered it was one of the most divine moments of my life!

I felt completely whole after that workshop and something about my looks reflected that.

This story, taught me something about health.

I have learned to celebrate my inner state of being and connection to all things as a measure of health rather what I look like.

This started to take the pressure off of HOW I looked to others and if I cared what they thought.

I felt irritated at my husband because for me health is MUCH MORE than ONLY what I look like.

Health to me is:

1. Conscious communication- meaning being in touch with how I feel and my needs to speak in a loving and kind way so as to create connection with all beings as oppose to conflict.
2. Spending time in a natural environment at least a few times a week.
3. Caring for my body on a daily basis.
4. Cooking healthy homemade meals for my family and myself.
5. Creating and nurturing my friendships, old and new.
6. Enjoying work I love and not feeling or getting burnt out by it.
7. Delighting in the time with my daughter before she grows up.
8. And designing a flow of my life that incorporates all the things I love to with out sacrificing everything for what I look like.

I’ve discovered, it’s a balance.

Back in the days when I was obsessed by food and body image I really didn’t have time for all the other things. Or rather things like cooking, eating and exercise where connected to one thing- THE PRESSURE TO LOOK AND BE A CERTAIN WAY.  I was ruled by this pressure, it dictated everything I did.

Now it’s different.

* Now I ravel in the delight of moving my body just for the sake of moving it, cause it feels good.

* Now I cook and feed myself with consciousness and awareness, not restraint or deprivation because I love nurturing my body with whole, delicious, organic foods. I’m not worried that these foods with make me fat. And as a result I am not thinking constantly about my weight and the pressure to look a certain way.

* Now I spend time with friends and family with my complete attention on them, instead of the way it used to be when I wondered what they thought about me and how I looked moment to moment.

Would you like that kind of freedom? If so begin by answering the questions below.

What is health to you?

How does your values with health line up or not align with how you experience pressure to look a certain way

What have you found valuable about the connection between health and your issues with body- look image?

Feel free to share your answers and thoughts on our interactive community website: